Farmer Alanna
by DukSauce
Summary: Bad title -.- Oh well. Anywho, basically Alanna goes completely insane and starts turning everyone in sight into farm animals, chaos ensues. Surprise ending! Warning: Some bad language, and many characters getting bashed, but it's all in fun, ya know


Author's Note: Oh Dear....this is very twisted ^Quack^ I apologize in  
advance. I also expect some flames, hee hee, but as an author, I cannot control my own insanity! Muahahahahahaha Oh yeah, and a pool is where a group of people all bet on a certain...um...outcome of something....Just so you know ^.~   
  
Alanna quietly walks out of the stables one morning dressed in overalls  
a plaid shirt, and a straw hat. A long piece of grass dangles from the  
side of her mouth.  
  
Alanna: Bum bum bah da da  
Onua: Well, Alanna, looks like you've finally lost it. I win the   
pool!  
Alanna: Say wha? What pool?  
Onua: Er, nevermind. So, hey, what's with the outfit?  
Alanna: Well, Onua, I've decided to give up being a Baroness and part-  
time warrior for a calm life of farming!  
Onua: Oooookay, you do that. Listen, I gotta go...  
Alanna: Not so fast. First I'm gonna need some farm animals.  
Onua: What's that got to do with me? (sees Alanna doing somthing with her hands)  
Alanna, what the---ahhhh!!!!!!!! (Onua turns into a rather manly goose)  
Alanna: That's better  
Goose-Onua: Why you crazy -HONK- beotch!  
(Gary walks up)  
Gary: Hey Alanna, there you are! What's with the clothes, and the goose?  
Alanna: Well, Gary, I'm gonna be a farmer. And this here's Onua.  
Gary: Well, Onua, I always thought you were a little goosey. Looks like you win the  
pool!  
Alanna: WHAT POOL?!?  
Onua: Oh -HONK- shut up both of you -HONK-  
Alanna: Hum, now what can I make you into...  
Gary: Make me into...oh no, you're not going to...EEK!! (Gary is now a squirrel)  
Gary: CHITTER!!! chikka chikka A SQUIRREL??? Alanna, I thought we were better   
friends than that... (looks hurt)  
Onua: -HONK ha HONK- Gary, a squirrel!!! -HONK- Whatta laugh!  
Gary: Onua, shove it in my-  
Alanna: Oh, look, here comes Numair!  
Gary -n- Onua: Mithros, Mynoss, and Shakith! Numair!! -chitter/honk- Run away!   
Turn back!  
Numair: Gary, Onua? Why are you animals, what's going on?  
Gary: ONUA WON THE POOL!!!  
Numair: Dammit, and I had tomorrow too!  
Alanna: What POOL?  
(a big puff of smoke and Numair is suddenly a black pig)  
Gary: (rolls eyes) chitter, Really, Alanna, a pig? chucka Have you no imagination?  
Numair: SQUEAL Whadda ya mean?  
Alanna: Well, it was so obvious...  
Numair: What was obvious? *oink* You're not insinuating that I'm a-  
Onua: Well, if you weren't before, you are now! -HONK/snicker-  
Numair: Well, at least she didn't turn me into a steak...  
Gary: That's not an animal jackass.  
Alanna: Hey, that gives me an idea...  
Gary: SQUEEKCHITTER! Nooooo! I like being a squirrel, really I do!  
Alanna: Well, all right.  
(Daine walks in, sees all the animals and Alanna)  
Daine: I lost the pool, didn't I?  
Numair: Oh, oink, yeah.  
(they all turn to Alanna)  
All: Don't say it!!!  
(Alanna shrugs and transforms Daine into a cow)  
Daine: Mooooo  
Numair: Oh, Goddess, my girlfriend's a cow...Say Gary....you look good as a squirrel...  
Gary: Eeek!!!!!!!  
Onua: I knew it, I win the other pool!!!!  
Numair: What other pool?  
Daine: Oh nevermoooind.  
Onua: So, Psychofarmgirl, who ya gonna turn into an animal next?  
Alanna: Oh, anyone that comes along....like them.  
(Jon and Thayet are taking a walk in a nearby field)  
(soon both of them are with the others, as a chicken and a goat respectively)  
Jon: So, Onua, *balk balk* won the pool then?  
Thayet: (sees Numair snuggling up to Gary-squirrel) Bahhhoth of them looks like.   
(she munches on Onua's discarded leathers)  
Alanna -n- Numair: WHAT POOL!?!?  
Gary: Eeeeek!  
Daine: Is that all you can say?  
Gary: Get the CHUCKA off me you big gay pig man thing!  
Daine: Numair, that gay part's not ture...is it?  
Numair: Er...mebbe bebbe  
Daine: (crying) That's it, the wedding's off!  
Numair: (mumbles) I wouldn't want to marry a cow anyway *OINK*  
Raoul: Myles, George, she's over here!  
Alanna: (rubbing hands together) Tee hee, more victims....  
(all roll eyes)  
Jon: Shouldn't we, you know, warn them or something?  
Thayet: Naaaaah.  
Onua: Lessee what Captain Insane-O turns 'um into.  
George: Alanna, Darling, I've been looking all over for you. Man, you look sexy in those   
overalls...  
(Alanna rolls eyes)  
Alanna: Not now, George, I've got a migraine....  
George: But, but, you said that last night...  
(the Gary-squirrel is crawling all over Raoul)  
Gary: Raoul CHUCKA She turned me into a squirrel! CHIKKA  
Raoul: Ahhhh!!!! Rabid squirrel, rabid squirrel!  
Alanna: I think you'll go first (Raoul gets changed into a gopher) Then George (George  
is now a bullfrog)  
George: So, who won the pool?  
Jon: Which one?  
George: Er...ribbit...Both?  
Thayet: Onua.  
Onua: Bitchin'!! I mean, Booyah!  
Daine: Hey, wait a minute, why didn't you change Myles into anything?  
Alanna: Well... (snuggles up to Myles coyly, and the disappear into the stables together)  
Numair: Icky!  
Gary: Gross.  
Jon: Ha ha, I win the pool!  
George: Luvmuffin?  
Alanna: Not Now George!!!!!!!  
George: Wait a second...what pool?  
  
  
Author's Note: Ha ha, I am twisted. Sorry for the repitition of the "what pool?" joke, but it was all in fun...Oh yeah, and just incase it didn't get through to some of ya'll, the first pool was for 'When Will Alanna Go Insane" The second was for "When Will Numair Come Out of the Closet" And the third was for "Who Will Alanna Sleep With Next?" ^Quack^ 


End file.
